What is the elixir of life?
A life of loneliness is a life no better than death.
And when we are happiest, is the memory not shared?
Therefore, friends and families are the answer to a life well-lived,
and our constant and grouped interactions with them just helps ground
us into healthy and positive cycle of love, appreciationa and cherishment.
Could it be that having regular gatherings with people you have come to know intimately is one of the most cherished aspects of daily life? To me, it is. However, it is a pity that this seems to have been lost in the hustle and bustle of modern day life in society. Fewer of us go to churches to see friends; we are driven to study and work longer and harder, and we watch others get together on our seriel television programmes while we collapse under the duvets.
We have scheduled days of school, work, waterpolo matches, ballet and piano lessons, or band practices to attend. Our social time is now being squeezed into micro sentences posted on Facebook- who has time for a regular conversation! Getting everyone together for a simple evening of cards? Forget it. No one has time. We don't have time to eat, take evening walks, or have leisurely conversations into the twilight hours of the night. And, forget about a commitment to weekend "get-together's" with family and friends that drag on all day long. Who has the energy for all that, when maintaining our own personal studies, or work and lives is exhausting enough all on its own.
In our rugged culture of individualism, we are all standing alone, yet we are not meant to be such solitary creatures. We are creatures of comminication and socialable relationship. And not just one, we need layers of connections in order to feel whole. We need we also need our interpersonal partners to be with us, we need good friends, we need close family ties, we need all all of these relationships to be meaningful, and we need to feel part of a global family.
I feel that some of our greatest minds in studying human behavior and the new rage of "Happiness" books may have overlooked the awesome influence that a regular monthly game of bridge or mahjong with the girls, or in recent days, the power of Rockband jamming with a bunch of friends, can bring. Certain elements are always the consistent that become a type of ritual: same table, same food, same atmosphere, same easy laughs. It takes away the stress of every day life and provides a routine that takes the edge off.
Our modern society has stripped away the importance of regular group meetings to such a degree most of us do not even realize it is the "What's Missing" in our lives. Fundamentally, we long to belong. We crave a place to be part of a group with whom we are accepted, where we can care and be cared for. It helps us to hear that others are feeling the same way, or have experiences we can relate to. It may not solve anything, but it lessens our burdens to know we carry them with others.
I believe having a special group does not have to be left to chance or random circumstance -- it can be consciously created at every layer of relationships in your life. Maybe you once had a special group of friends in your life. If not now, why not? Is it too hard? Are all the people around you unapproachable? Are we all mildly depressed and lulled into a solitary funk?
Those who have a robust social life derive the benefit of having reinforcing encounters on a regular basis, and are great mood elevators. If you are rushing to the Popular bookshop in school and run into someone who recognizes you -- what happens? An instant rush of positive emotion, you feel rooted in your community to see someone you know and like. Plus you have common topics to discuss without requiring any extra time or work to maintain such a quick exchange.
So perhaps it is time to put regular dates on the calendar to get together with those friends you always wanted to know a bit better, to turn off the television shows at night and have a game of Scrabble with your friends. If you can't afford your therapist, better not scrap those martini nights with the girls...sometimes it's all you need to get by on a bad day.
Ushering in the new year 2009 with my bunch of friends! :))
7 comments:
So true. Would techonology be the main reason for this? We all know how friendster, facebook and (soon) twitter use has exploded. As a result, even in our tiny island, we have shifted all our interaction online. We are then under the illusion that since we are accessible via these tools we are never really not interacting with our friends. However, I feel that without proper real-life interaction we will never be able to fully explore the depths of our relationship? Sometimes the simplest spontaneous things, like someone tripping can build memories specific to a time and place, which is much more intimate than a comment online.
Technolgy. The pros and cons really do lie on two sides of the same coin. We have convenience (the ultimate advantage from the invention of communication technologies from the Skype, MSN chat, and social networking spaces on the internet, right down to the beeping Blackberries, Nokia, and Motorolas sitting innociously in our pockets. Contacting someone was never easier.). And the repercussion of such easy means of texted communications, has made it practically for best friends to go by for months without the usual coffee date, and still remain very much in the know of each other's intimate lives through the casual updates messaged to each other. It might free up some space and time in each day for other activities: school, work, cheerleading. But you're right, it just doesn't feel the same as face-to-face dyadic conversations where memorable moments manifest. And it's a downright pity.
I guess the level of group interpersonal relationships that we have with friends also depends upon each individuals lifestyle schedule or chosen career.
Often times, there is a growing tendency to engage in group communications most regularly with the peers that our environment has placed us in. If we are university students, we hang out with fellow students attending classes with us, and it is the proximity that brings us closer, eventually forming a group.
However, upon graduation, everyone might walk on to persue separate jobs in vastly distinct fields. That will result in change of group functionalism. Our stage in life as people in the workforce no longer requires of us to congregate as a group in school daily. If and should we meet up again as a group, that will be completely voluntary. However, that is also the possibility of group dispersal because life has demanded of individuals to be in a different place and time from other members of a group, with all likelihood of forming a new group of friends at the new workplace. It's only a natural way of things.
It is sad when close-knit groups of friends begin to fall apart because of circumstances due to changes in lifestyles and the demands that stem from it - lesser time with family and friends, lesser time for persoinal space to engage in interactive group activities (having to miss out on a friend's wedding because of work demands etc), and having to dedicate more time and priority to work.
Communication is without a doubt an important part of a healthy person's life. Humans are by nature, social animals that need interaction to get by.
One would shudder at the notion of having to live all stranded alone on a single island with no companion or confidente or comfort of a fellow human being. Not being able to speak and evoke a response in volley could bring about madness in a person. Just think about Robinson Crusoe and the show "Cast Away" - where the main character washed ashore began speaking to a Wilson sports ball like as though it was a fellow human being.
It would seem that technolody would have helped to promote group interaction and activity since the basic function of technology has been to aid communication.
It is therefore very counter-intuitive that communication should be hindered by the fact that group interaction has seen a downwards decline after the advent of technology, as proposed by jude.
I think the person best in the position to comment upon what jude and sara-anne has proposed, would be a person of an earlier generation, who is able to do a comparison between what life was like before and after the flourish of technology.
My uncle mentioned once, that in this time and age, people do not treasure the time out together as a group as much as they did in the past. Back then, when an appointment to meet was made, it was honoured in gold. Even a thunderstorm or rain would not hinder the plans for the day. They will brave the elements just to hold true to their words because it wasn't that easy to contact the other party and make last minute changes, and it would simply be downright rude to bail and stand the other person up on a date just due to "rain".
Today however, with the convenient use of the internet and phone messaging, the instant nature of such communication has led to the change in attitudes towards group arranged meetings. Anyone can come with an sms saying, "Hey i'm sorry but something jus cropped up, i'm afraid i won't be able to meet you for lunch afterall", just an hour before the date itself. It doesn't matter if the other party has turned down other event invitations for that arranged lunch. It happens these days.
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